Sex

I’ve just finished reading an interesting book called, “Father Joe.”

It is a true story by Tony Hendra about his spiritual mentor and friend, a Benedictine monk named Father Joe. Tony is so inspired by this loving, wise man that Tony has dreams of becoming a monk himself.

At the age of fourteen Tony indulged in some hugging and kissing with a married woman. The young woman’s husband finds them. The husband is Catholic and a friend of Father Joe. He decides to take Tony to Father Joe to decide the appropriate punishment. Tony confesses his almost affair to the monk. Father Joe replies,

“You’ve done nothing truly wrong, Tony dear. God has brought you here before any real harm was done. The only sin you’ve committed is the sin of …s-s-selfishness.”

A few years later Tony was troubled by the stirrings and longings of sex. He has been obsessing about a beautiful classmate and wondered if this was some form of idolatry. He goes to Father Joe for advice.

Tony begins by telling Father Joe about his dreams,

“…But at least there was nothing sexual about them.”

“Of course they’re sexual, dear. Whatever’s wrong with that?”

“What about chastity?”

“Chastity doesn’t involve surgery, does it? We’re all sexual beings. Sex is a wonderful gift, a physical way to express the most powerful force in all existence – love. Sex is a brilliant idea of God’s, I think. Almost like a sacrament.”

“Sex is a sacrament?”

“D-don’t tell the Abbot!”

“There’s no sin in having sex?”

“Yes yes yes. There can be. But sex is a sin far less often than we’re led to believe. It’s all a question of context. If you have sex to hurt or exploit another, or to take pleasure only for me, me, me, and not return as much or more to your lover… then it becomes sinful. We monks make promises before God and the community to remain celibate. For us to have sex would be a betrayal of God and our brothers. It’s not the sex so much as breaking the vow that is the sin, just as it is when you break a vow of marriage ---the hurt to your partner. They’ve made sexual sins the worst of the lot, haven’t they? Because sex is so powerful, people are fearful of it! We must take the fear out of sex as well.”

Is Father Joe right? Is the biggest sexual sin one of selfishness?