Divorce

On this date twenty-two years ago we celebrated another beautiful wedding. There was a lovely bride, happy families and funny stories. The memories are all a little tarnished and sometimes painful today. After seventeen years my second son-in-law decided he longer wanted to be married. He moved out and moved on to other relationships.

Divorce is painful. My daughter struggled with anger and uncertainty. What do you do with a broken dream? Their three beautiful children were confused and hurt. My husband and I were stunned, angry and felt totally helpless. How could this man we loved do this? How could he cause his family so much hurt? For a long time my strongest emotion was anger. I planned all sorts of revenge. I wanted to inflict on him the pain that he had inflicted on all of us. My daughter, the children and I all saw a therapist for quite a while to help us sort through those emotions. There were false starts, wrong turns and several moments of collapse as we struggled towards a new life. I did not ever spit on him. I did not put rotten fish under his mattress. I did not demand an apology. None of that seemed helpful. We all just kept putting one foot in front of the other and moved slowly on to a better place.

Today my grandchildren are doing well. They are honor roll students with many friends. They love both their mother and their father. He is involved in their lives. I love my grandchildren. They need to have a relationship with their dad. I am always polite and friendly in his presence. He told me recently that I was the best ex mother-in-law in the world. I guess that is a compliment. Somehow I don't feel very complimented.

My daughter has a full and busy life. She is happy. She is surrounded by many friends and a sweetheart who makes her know she is loved.

There is no such thing as a good divorce. There is just too much pain involved. Divorce is the end of the happily ever after dream, but it is not the end of life. There are new dreams and new joys on the other side of the pain. The scars remain. Sometimes the hurt and anger still bubbles up and burst all around us. Life just keeps moving on. We count our many blessings and look forward to good things that God has in store for us.