Motherhood

October 22, 1963, was a day that changed my life forever. I became a mother and my world turned upside down. I have learned that a topsy-turvy world is normal for parents.

I thought I was well prepared for motherhood. I had babysat and been around children all my life. I wanted to be mother. I was a labor & delivery room nurse. I knew what to expect. I was experienced with newborn babies. None of that prepared me for what being a mother really means. I was unprepared for the emotions. I didn’t know it was possible to feel this fierce, protective overwhelming love that has guided my every thought and decision since that day. I never knew what fatigue really was before I had children who were so very present. They never stopped needing me. I was unprepared for the anger a usually adorable two-year- old in the midst of a “terrible twos” episode generated in me. There was this enormous feeling of uncertainty. I always thought my parents just knew what to do because they were parents. The truth was that there were so many times that I had no idea what was the right thing to do. Then my children turned into teenagers. They were good kids, but I lived in a perpetual state of fear. They were so confident and felt so sure of themselves. They took risks that made me tremble. They made friends that made me uncomfortable. Then they did something that I was totally unprepared for. They grew up. It just surprised me. One day they were babies, who needed me for everything, and then I turned around and they had all become adults. I am stilled a bit stunned that these wonderful people who are my best friends are in fact my babies. Letting them go and become the good people they have become was the hardest and the best part of being their mom. I am intensely proud of each of them. I still love them with a fierce, protective, overwhelming love. They amaze me.

Happy birthday, Laurel! Thank you for being you. Thank you for putting up with being our practice child. I love you!