Music

I am not a musician. I don't know any music theory. When the orchestra plays I cannot tell one instrument from another. I just know I love music. Music reaches down into my soul and stirs all the emotions.

Last night we attended a performance of the Montgomery Philharmonic. We went because the world's greatest daughter-in-law, who is my favorite french horn player, was performing with the orchestra. Last night one of pieces was Concerto for Solo Tuba by Arild Plau. It was magnificent. I never had heard a tuba anywhere except as part of a marching band. This was something entirely different. I did not know a tuba could make such beautiful music. After the tuba solo the orchestra played Shostakovitch’s Symphony #5. I loved it. I sat there and just let the sound wash over me. The music invoked all sorts of images and emotions. There were dark and stormy moments and times of peace and beauty. It was just a wonderful evening.

When was the last time you sat back and just let the music wash over you and carry you to another place filled with beauty?

Julie

Fifty years ago today I knew that I had made the right choice when I accepted my beloved's marriage proposal.

We were in the mountains with his college fraternity and a bunch of friends. We had played in the snow all day and were sitting by the fire talking when the chaperon came looking for me. (Do college fraternity parties still have chaperons?) I had a phone call. I had left the phone number to the lodge with my mom in case of emergency. I was a bit nervous as I hurried to the office to take the call. I knew from the tone of mom's voice that she had good news. “Sue, you're an aunt. You have a niece. Everyone is fine. The baby is healthy. Her name is Julie.” This was indeed exciting and wonderful news. My brother and his wife had just become parents and I was an aunt. I had never been an aunt before. I was bubbling over with the joy of it all. I went running back down the stairs telling everyone that I had just become an aunt. People just glanced up and said that's nice. No one seemed to understand how grand this piece of news was to me. I finally found my beloved and shared my exciting, wonderful news. He hugged me and asked me to tell him everything. He wanted to know all the details. He listened and shared my excitement. He supposed that this meant he would become an uncle when we married. It was wonderful to know that this man would share the joy and excitement of my life.

I wanted to carry my baby niece down the aisle at my wedding. I thought she would be far better than a bouquet of flowers. My mom vetoed the idea.

Julie and I have spent all of her life on opposite coasts. We have never been able to spend great amounts of time together. When she was little I thought she was bright, beautiful and amazing. Now that she is grown with grown children of her own I know that she is bright, beautiful amazing.

Happy birthday Julie. Thank you for making me an aunt. I love you.

Yoga Trees

“Find a focal point. Preferably find something that's not moving. Find something to focus on while we work on our balance.”

Whenever my yoga instructor says these words I look out the window at the trees in the outside garden. It is winter and the trees are bare of leaves. Their trunks and branches are unhidden. I focus on these bare trees and notice their shape. Like people, no two trees are just alike. One particular tree in the middle appears strong and straight. It has somehow withstood the storms of winter with little change in it's climb upward. I admire this tree, but I think I am more like the tree just to it's right. This tree is not quite so sturdy looking. It started growing up straight and tall, but then some unknown storm made it bend toward one side. Soon it regained it's course and grew back toward center. The storms of life have made it bend back and forth as it continues it's journey toward the sky. It seems to me that finding balance in life, as in yoga, means bending back and forth in the storms of life as we continue our journey toward the sky.

Spring will soon be here covering the trees with new green leaves. It will be harder to see their strong trunks. I will know though, that under the beauty of spring there is a trunk, strong and true, reaching toward the sky.

I am looking forward to spring and seeing the trees in another season.

Birthdays

Yesterday my husband and our second daughter celebrated their mutual birthday at a family dinner. This year our son-in-law won the best gift award. He had just returned from a mission trip to Honduras and brought them each a shiny new Honduran machete.

Engaged

Last Friday night we were enjoying dinner with friends when my cell phone beeped. I looked and saw a picture had been sent to my phone. My cell phone is very old with a very small screen that makes it hard to see pictures very well. I could tell it was a picture of my daughter and her sweetheart. Why would they decide to send me a picture? I looked and could see happy smiles. I studied it a bit longer and noticed her left hand was being held up for the camera. There is only one reason to send your mom a picture displaying your left hand. I passed my phone around the table to see if someone with better eyes could see anything sparkling on her left hand. The picture was too small to see jewelry, but the smiles told the story. My daughter's sweetheart had finally popped the question. She had said yes. They are officially engaged. We are all delighted.

He took the whole family to a nice restaurant and proposed in front of her three teenagers and his teenage daughter. The kids were excited and happy. In this age of smart phones the kids had the news on facebook before they left the restaurant. Some news is just too exciting to keep to yourself.

Here's the picture they sent to me on Friday.

You'll Never Walk Alone

The senior chorale with which I sing has started rehearsing for our spring concert. This program is a collection of “inspirational” songs. I like them all. We are learning”Eye of the Tiger,” “The Man In the Mirror,” “You Lift Me Up,” and many more. The one song that is my favorite for this program is, “You'll Never Walk Alone.”

In 1956 I was fifteen years old. I dreamed about one day falling in love and was full of visions of romance. That was the year Rogers and Hammerstein's musical “Carousel” was made into a movie. I loved that movie. I believe I saw it at least ten times. In an age before DVDs and videotapes that meant I went to the movie theater. I would walk a block to the bus stop and pay my 25 cent fare and ride into town. Then I would walk to the theater and pay my 25 cent admission to see it yet again. Sometimes I went alone. Sometimes friends would come along with me. Sometimes we would sit through the film twice on the same afternoon. I thought Billy Bigalow was so handsome. I wished I was the beautiful Julie who won his heart. It was just so romantic. I would cry every time when Billy died. The song “You'll Never walk Alone” was so inspiring and I would cry every time I heard it. I did buy the record of the sound track and played the music over and over again on my phonograph. I knew every word to every song.

Last week when we started to sing this song in rehearsal for just a moment I felt like I was once again a starry-eyed fifteen year old girl.

What was a movie that captured your heart when you were a teenager?

PT

           It has been almost six months since my foot surgery. Yesterday I was finally able to begin physical therapy. My goal is to reduce the pain and swelling in my foot and to increase the strength and range of motion. . Right now I can walk for about five minutes before I need to rest. I need to do better than that. Actually my real goal is to be able to enjoy a long walk on the beach this summer. I want to just walk and enjoy the feel of the surf and the smell of the ocean without stopping to think about how much pain I am enduring. I want to walk through the woods and listen to birds. I want to walk the streets of the city and see wonderful new sights. I want to do all of that and not even think about my feet. My therapist said she thought those were all worthy and achievable goals. I am feeling very optimistic.

It is groundhog day. Phil did not see his shadow. Spring is coming and with spring is coming my recovery. Life is good.

Home Sweet Home

We had a wonderful time in sunny California, but are very happy to be home again in snowy Maryland. After a week of sunshine it felt very cold when we stepped off the airplane last night. There is no place sweeter than home after any trip away.

The wedding was beautiful. My niece and and her new husband were so cute and happy. The wedding was a perfect reflection of who they are. As a great-aunt my favorite moment was watching my brother, her Grandpa Joe, dance with his his granddaughter the bride. It was such a sweet moment in time.

It was wonderful to have time to visit with my two brothers. We don't get to see each other often. Long time readers of this blog remember my sister-in-law Jean who suffered in a severe head injury two years ago. She now lives in a rehab hospital and is totally paralyzed on one side. For the occasion of this wedding a specially equipped van was hired, a beautiful new dress was purchased, and Jean attended the wedding. Seeing her dressed up and happy filled us all with a little extra joy.

After the wedding we headed south and enjoyed a few days of vacation in San Diego. We visited zoo where we went on our honeymoon.

I don't think I have changed much in the last fifty years, but this time I toured the zoo in a wheelchair.

We took a tour boat and saw the sights of the San Diego harbor and soaked up the sun.

We rubbed shoulders with the rich while eating lunch on the sun deck of the posh Hotel Del Coronado. The sun reflecting of the ocean made the Pacific look like a sea of diamonds.

Now I look out the window at my snow covered yard. It is good to be home.

California

Early tomorrow morning we are leaving for California. This is a bit sooner than I I would have chosen to travel, but there a very good reasons for going now.

My great-niece is getting married on Saturday. I love weddings.

There will be a wonderful family reunion and time with people we seldom see. Living on opposite coasts does make frequent visits hard.

We can enjoy a trip down memory lane as we visit places important to our childhood.

I can put flowers on my folks graves. I don't why this seems so important to me. I know they are not in a cemetery. They still live in my heart and influence my everyday.

We get to go to the San Diego Zoo. Last time we were there was on our honeymoon almost fifty years ago.

My recovery from the foot surgery is not quite complete so I get to ride a wheelchair through the airport and get on the plane during pre-boarding. I will feel so special.

It is warm and sunny in southern California, with temperatures in the seventies. Snow is predicted in Maryland.

MLK Day

This morning I attended an interfaith community service to honor the work and legacy of Dr King. It was an inspiring service attended by young and old, black and white, Christian, Jewish and Muslim Americans. It was a time to reflect on victories against injustice and to look at all the work that lies before us. We came away grateful for the progress our nation has made and determined to continue to make our world a better place. My Bible verse for today is from Micah, chapter six,

And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
Mic 6:8

Several years ago I drew this picture of two of my grandsons playing at the beach. When I look at these boys I am grateful for the legacy of Martin Luther King Jr.

Unscrewed

I am home with one less screw in my foot. The procedure today took only about thirty minutes. The worst part was the ginormous needles the doc used for the nerve block to numb my foot. After that I could only feel some pressure and pulling. It was a weird feeling to feel the doctor unscrewing the screw in my foot. It is a little hard to walk tonight because my foot is still numb. This should be only a small bump on my road to recovery. I expect to back on track in a day or two.

Foot Update

I saw my foot surgeon this morning for my five month follow-up. He said the bones have healed well and everything looks good, EXCEPT one of the screws is little bit too long. The offending screw sticks into the joint space between the foot and the ankle and causes pain whenever I flex my foot. The screw has to come out. So tomorrow morning I head back to the OR to have it removed. The doctor assures me that this is a very minor procedure. The only reason it must be done in the OR is the need to see it with the X-ray so he knows just where to cut. He will make a small incision and just pull the bugger out. It will be done with only local anesthesia. I should be able to walk the next day. This has to be done before I can begin physical therapy to increase my strength and range of motion. I am actually pretty bummed about it. The doctor says it is a minor procedure, but anytime it is my body being cut it becomes major.

The Loyal Opposition

Yesterday's tragic shootings in Arizona have made me very sad. A mentally unstable young man killed several people out of a hatred for our government. Many believe that extremest, violent political rhetoric encouraged him to do this terrible thing.

Politics in our country has become very divisive. Loud voices from the extreme right and the extreme left provoke fear and hatred. Politicians with opposing views post pictures of their opponents in the cross-hairs of a rifle and encourage people to take aim. People with different political views are called awful names. Opposing points of view are labeled un-American. The name-calling and extremism have made it hard to even understand what another person is saying. I often want to just stick my head in the sand and ignore the whole mess. Then something like the shooting in Arizona happens and I can't ignore it anymore.

In this big country of ours there are obviously going to be different ideas on the best way to handle the complex problems of our time. We live in a big, diverse world with big complicated issues. There are no easy answers to these problems. My personal political view is on the liberal side. Many of my friends and family are far more conservative and have different ideas than mine on the best policy for a particular situation. None of us really have enough information to know what is truly the best choice. We have to talk to each other and discuss our ideas and our understanding and our goals. Sometimes we have to compromise and not get our way. We have to quit calling each other names. We can never encourage or condone violence.

In the English parliament the minority party often is referred to as the loyal opposition. I like this term. It indicated that there is disagreement about policy without questioning the fact of patriotism. Somehow we have to understand that good, patriotic people can disagree about issues without calling one another names. We have to respect each other and learn to listen to each other.

Can we please speak more softly and listen with open minds?

I love this country. It is my home.

God bless us all.

Chair Yoga

As a symbol and a promise of my continuing recovery my beloved and I signed up for a series of chair yoga sessions. I am loving this yoga class. My daughter and her good friend have opened a new yoga studio. One of their offerings is chair yoga which is perfect for those of us who have trouble standing up for for long periods. The studio is beautiful with big windows looking out into a lovely garden. I look forward to watching winter turn into spring through those windows. By the time time the garden is green and once again filled with flowers I expect to be walking and dancing with a grateful heart. For today I am content to stretch my arms and imagine I am one of the butterflies that decorate the room.

I love my yoga teacher . She is a beautiful soul.

Anticipation

For the past five months about all I have done is sit in a chair and let my foot heal. My sweet husband has done the shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry. In addition to that he has been a patient and loving nurse to me. I have gotten pretty good at being pampered while doing nothing. As the pain leaves and I begin to walk I am full of anticipation about beginning to do things again. Things that were just chores are things I really am looking forward to doing again.

I want to go grocery shopping. I want to see what is on sale and what looks good each week. I want to browse through the produce department and pick out fresh fruits and vegetables. I want to look at the meat and pick it out myself. I want to run into friends and neighbors and stop and chat for a few minutes. I should be able to do this in just a few more weeks. In the future I promise to appreciate the joy of grocery shopping.

I want to cook dinner and clean up my kitchen.

I want to go to the pool. I want to walk into the locker room and laugh with my friends as we change into our swim suits. I want to move through the water and feel my muscles getting stronger again. I want to soak in the hot tub and relax after a good swim.

I want to do the laundry.

When warm weather comes this spring I want to work in my yard. I want to plant flowers and pull weeds. I want to climb on a step ladder and trim the bushes. I promise not to complain about having to weed the garden.

I want to walk. I want to take long walks without needing to stop because of the pain. I want to walk the familiar streets of my neighborhood and strange, faraway streets where I have never walked before. I want to walk on the beach with the surf pounding in my ears. I want to walk through the woods and listen to the birds. I want to walk through the airport to the furthermost gate and fly again on a jet plane to some wonderful destination.

Recovery has been a long time coming, but it is is getting nearer each day. With each day's improvement I grow more excited about the things I can do.

I can hardly wait for all the wonderful things I will be able do in2011.

2010 In Review

It is an interesting exercise to look back over the year. Much has happened in my little corner of the world. As a review of 2010 I've chosen a sentence a month from the past year.

January
My main occupation since the beginning of this new year has been trying to stay warm.

February
Our winter road trip through the deep south was a wonderful experience. Each day was different from the day before, full of different sights and emotions.

March
I spent the weekend in the Pennsylvania mountains with forty of my girlfriends. The speaker was my older daughter. She shared her journey of faith with words and music that inspired a room full of women.

April
It is hard to find words to describe all the emotions involved in watching our grandson become one of the nation's newest airmen. Of course we are very proud of him.

May
Today I received an email from Iraq.

“HI MOM! happy mothers day i miss you and the family i would like to talk to you soon”

June
If you had asked me a year ago if Paul could walk a 5K I would have laughed at the improbability of the idea. Saturday Paul was laughing as we all cheered him across the finish line.

July
It was obvious the our Todd had found the perfect woman to be his wife. Pam adores Todd and is so proud of her soldier. Courtney refers to him as Dad. They are counting the days until he returns home again.Todd called the next morning. For the first time in more than eight years I heard his voice. He sounded so good. I cried.

August
I have been spending a lot of time with pain since my foot surgery five days ago. Pain just takes over your life and colors everything you see and do.

September
Sunday I was finally able to get to church. It felt so good to be back.

October
I saw the doctor this morning for a follow-up appointment. He is quite pleased with my recovery. It will be a little longer than I expected, but I will walk again.

November
This morning my seventeen-year-old granddaughter Sofie had her keys blessed. Sofie received something quite wonderful when she returned to the church parking lot. She had received a phone call from the admissions office of the University of New Haven. Not only had she been admitted, she was awarded a significant scholarship.

December
I can walk!

10 Joys of Christmas 2010

We've enjoyed a wonderful Christmas holiday this year. I'll share ten of the joys.

1. Joy one came on Thursday evening. We had just finished a Christmas Eve Eve supper at daughter number 2's home. We were trying not to talk about our young airman because he would not be home for the first time this year. The US Air Force wouldn't let him off. Then the door opened and in walked John. There was much screaming and crying and laughter as we rejoiced that he was home. Our family does love a good surprise.

2. Any grandmother will tell you that getting the whole family together at the same time in the same place is one of life's greatest joys. Here we are posing for a picture for gramma.

3.This year the simple act of walking around my house and being able to help with day's festivities was glorious. Not being able to walk for more than four months makes me very appreciative of my growing mobility.

4. My grandsons the manly men were having such fun together. They do make me smile.

5. My beautiful granddaughters bring us hugs and great joy.

6. Being part of the candlelit singing of “Silent Night” always makes me cry. Sharing it with family and friends makes it seem like a bit of heaven.

7. My husband, who is still a little boy at heart, spent most of Christmas Eve putting together a marvelous marble machine so he would have a toy on Christmas morning.

8.Our daughter adopted a blue-footed-boobie in our name. I love blue-footed-boobies.

9. No Christmas would be complete without festive neon yellow sweatshirts for the whole family.

10.The greatest joy is the love that fills the air and surrounds us all with love that makes us count our blessings and remember who we are. God is good.

"What's A Virgin?"

One evening just before Christmas, 1969, I was at the piano picking out some Christmas songs. My six-year-old daughter joined me on the piano bench and we sang together,“Silent night, Holy night, round yon virgin..,” when she stopped singing. She looked at me and asked,”Mommy, what's a virgin?” Ahh, one of those questions every mother looks forward to answering. I said something to the effect that Joseph didn't help Mary get pregnant like daddy helped mommy get pregnant. She looked startled and said, “I didn't know daddy had anything to do with that!” She then seemed to loose interest in the subject and went off to play with her little sister and brothers.

The next day my six-year-old went grocery shopping with me. I was in the check-out lane and she was sitting in the cart's child seat. Just as the clerk began ringing up my order my daughter decided she had one more question. She asked in a loud, clear voice for all the store to hear,”Mommy, just what did daddy do to help get you pregnant?”

That little girl is now the mother of two grown children. I have greatly enjoyed watching her answer their questions.

I can walk!

Christmas 1963

1963 was one of those years when everything in my world changed. I left my full time career as a nurse because I was pregnant. Hospital policy did not allow nurses to work after the second trimester. I became a mother. My husband accepted a job at NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center. We packed all our worldly belongings into a moving van and sent them off to Maryland. We moved out of our cute little house in Santa Monica and moved back to Whittier where we lived with my parents for the last month of the year. I was so in awe my beautiful newborn daughter that all the big changes going on in my life faded into the background.

Christmas morning I dressed my baby in a cute little red Santa suit. My day revolved around her. She seemed to delight in the Christmas lights. My family all delighted in her. The importance of our impending move across the country had not really sunk in with me. I didn't realize that this would be the last time I would celebrate Christmas with my parents, my brothers and my nieces. I did not realize that my role in life would largely change from being a daughter to being a mother. Two weeks later we left California and flew to Maryland.

The next Christmas I was large with child and my doctor advised against traveling across the country for the holidays. Santa found us in Maryland. Our house filled with children and we always stayed home for Christmas. I missed my California family. Every year when we put up our tree I would call home and exclaim, “ It's the pettiest tree we've ever had!” just as my mom had said every year. Every year on Christmas Eve we would open the big packages that had come from our families and celebrate California Christmas. I would have a few pangs of loneliness. Christmas morning we awoke to the happy squeals of our children as they discovered the pile of goodies brought by Santa. Our children all have wonderful memories of Christmas.

Was there a year in your life when everything changed and you just didn't realize it at the time?